there's so many things i want to talk about. it still sort of upsets me that i can't really turn to anyone, feels like i'm simply talking about the same stuff over and over again, and i don't want to be a bother. so i guess i'll just write here, to no one. but at least i'll get it out of my system.

 

this last year has been a mess. my parents got divorced, and all of a sudden my life held a much larger price than ever before. both of my parents and my brother all of a sudden depended on me, more than ever, to be there, and on top of that all of the things that i've supressed along the years started to hunt me down, one after one.

at the beginning of 2014, i realised i was starting university, i lived in a new city with my dad, my family was no longer and everything was just a blur. so naturally, i turned to alcohol, just like anybody else would do. on the third or fourth night drinking in less than a week, i met the one person who has ever, ever, ever touched a single piece of my pretty much non-existent heart, and i, of course, managed to be very drunk and drive him of in less than a month. it's been six months and he's still the one person i think about, although i can do without him, i no longer want to. and he didn't, until i started acting just like the opposite of myself. so i really lost him to the non-me, but i suppose i should be happy that i've still got a chance to change this since we're both single and we're still talking and still hangs out with the same crowd. 

 

on top of things, my best friend is a boy, who's best friends with previous guy mentioned, since ages ago, and like, yeah. my best friend loves me, and i have no feelings whatsoever, the only few that might exist at all are all to his best friend. 
simply put, life sucks and i cannot die, cause it'd be awfully selfish now would it not?